30

I turned 30 this year.

There’s something people older than me often used to say about "turning 30."

They’d say that when you hit 30, it "hits you" (or you get "hit" by it).

I prepared myself for that as I approached 30, wondering if that was really how it felt... (My birthday is in April).

The day before my birthday, my husband also asked me, "What’s it feel like to turn 30?"

Going from 20 to 30—I guess you might wonder what it feels like to change that first digit.

To that question, I replied, "It feels just right, 30!" My husband laughed.

I had felt a kind of pressure from those around me—like, "Oh, you're 30 now..."—or maybe a sense of lingering negativity, but for me, I truly felt from the bottom of my heart, "Wow, I’m totally 30 right now!" (lol)

The idea that "your 20s are the prime of your life," which everyone seems to hold onto, felt a bit different once I wasn't in my 20s anymore. I started thinking, "Were my 20s really all that great? If anything, I was just feeling my way around and it was actually pretty tough." (In my case, I hadn't even found what I loved yet.)

 

Having seen, heard, and experienced so many things, I’ve absorbed a lot and felt myself change in my own way.

Right now, I feel like, "This is it, I’m 30! So this is what 30 feels like!"

I’m sure it depends on your own state of mind, so it’s different for everyone, but I wonder if anyone else out there understands what I mean...

It’s like a milestone in life, or maybe I’ve got about 2/5ths of it figured out now?

 

I was pretty sharp-edged throughout my teens and 20s, and while I definitely haven't lost those thorns yet (which often makes life harder), I feel like as I’ve rolled along, the corners have started to soften.

While I'm letting go of the unnecessary edges, there are still many things I won't compromise on. I don't think I’ll ever be perfectly round by the time I die, but my goal is to reach a shape that’s just comfortable to hold onto.

In both my creative work and my mental state, I used to be so tense, thinking, "It has to be this!" or "It has to be right here!" but since the start of this year, I’ve started to let go a little and think, "Maybe it’s okay to just have fun," or "This level of intensity actually suits me."

I truly realize that when you're in the thick of it, you can't really see or hear anything at all.

Once you make it out of that storm, everything—the words people said to you while you were in it, or the things you were looking at while trying to change your situation—suddenly sinks in, and you think, "Oh! So that’s what that meant!!"

 

I’m starting to understand myself a little bit more, and though I’m still being tossed around by various emotions, I think, "30 is actually awesome!!" and I’m having fun. ♫

 

I worked up the courage to go to a trendy salon I’d been hesitant to enter, and when I talked about "turning 30" with the charismatic stylist (who was 31), she replied, "30 is great, isn't it? ❤︎" which made me so happy.

 

I don’t mean to say anything to those in their 20s—in fact, I think you should give it your all in your 20s!—but my 30s are looking to be way more fun than I ever imagined!!!!!!!!!!

No matter what decade I’m in, I want to keep feeling this way—that my current age is just right for who I am and that it’s fun. I feel like, if it’s me, I’ll be able to keep feeling that way forever. ♪